Today my two-year-old daughter decided to go against her better judgement (and by "her", I mean "mine") and skip her nap.
She tossed and turned and talked and giggled but, alas, sleep remained elusive.
So, basically, the second half of the day kind of...sucked.
There were tantrums and there was whining and exasperation.
And a lot of deep breaths on my part.
There were also beautiful moments, idyllic some might say or cliche, others might think.
Like when we were sitting under the tree, with the sun warming our backs and just digging around the fallen leaves with a couple of sticks.
Reading books.
Playing tickle monster.
Silly stuff we both enjoy.
And then I do something completely stupid and, after reading some random article online or watching a youtube video, I look at the comment section.
And what I see is painful.
Hateful words, pointless arguing and more hatred.
People disagree about everything, it seems and, protected by anonymity, they lash out at anyone who doesn't share their views.
I close the laptop and feel my peace slip away and fear creeping in.
How on earth am I supposed to raise a child in a world so filled with hatred and indifference?
It's not just some silly comments I am worried about, of course.
I am worried about everything.
Everything this world wants to offer or impose upon me and especially my child, all the voices always arguing, always screaming, always disagreeing.
I don't know many things but the few things I do know about what is important in life, I've learned the hard way.
I am still surprised I ended up as I did.
It could have been a lot worse considering some of the naive and reckless decisions I've made along the way.
I wish I could take all that hard earned knowledge and give it to my daughter.
I can only hope she will listen to me as she grows up and not to the myriad of other voices that will lie to her in order to get her money, her vote, her support, her heart and soul.
I can only hope she will trust me as she grows more and more into who she is.
I know the time will come when she will argue with me, she will question me and the values, morals and ideas that I believe in, she will defy me and even deliberately disobey me about crucial matters.
I hope I can still offer her guidance, even then.
Especially then.
But right now, I need to handle tantrums and whining.
Tantrums about getting dressed or undressed, about bedtime, about getting into the carseat.
Whining about getting more chocolate, reading one more book, staying 5 more minutes at the playground.
And, in all honesty, I prefer all this.
It seems so easy compared to arguing with her about any kind of filth that is out there and which she might feel tempted to embrace.
Right now she is little and innocent even in her anger and her tantrums.
She is overtaken by pure joy simply by me giving her a peach or taking her to pet the animals.
It's so easy to make her happy and still quite easy to comfort her.
She's an open book.
I pray I never do anything to make her close herself up to me.
That would truly be terrible as the mothers of many teens will tell you.
In the meantime, we need to work on our nap routine.
And I'll keep improving my tickle monster skills.
