Mommy score

It  is a known fact that mothers compete.
They compete with one another a lot of the time.
On all subjects involving their child.
Why?
For some crazy sick reason probably.
They feel like better people if they have "the better" kid, whatever that means.
People always compete about everything so it comes naturally to compare and measure their greatest possession and accomplishment: the offspring.
Those who don't are keepers.
Those who leave you the heck alone to try and do your job as best as you can.
Who don't judge.
Who don't brag.
Who don't pour their useless crappy advice from 35 years ago on you like it's the Bible and will save your soul.

Examples, right:
We were at the mall with Loud Baby on a cold winter day when she was 11 months old.
She was crawling on the play area all happy and smiley.
Another mom asks me how old she is (You will get this question for the rest of your life when you have kids).
I tell her.
Usually, the reply is: Oh, she is so cute/chubby/pretty/fast/adorable.
You get it, something nice.
Instead, I get: 11 months old? My son was long walking when he was 11 months old.
Uhmmm...ok. Good for you. And your point is...?

Crap like this happens. Periodically. To different degrees. 
Some of this stuff comes from complete strangers, bless their tactless hearts.
And some comes from unrealizing friends. Ouch!

Like when Loud Baby had a very bad tummy and wouldn't eat anything.
I was worried. I was sad and upset and wondering what to do.
My friend asked what was wrong.
I told her we have a bad tummy, we are not eating anything at all.
Reply: Oh, my little one eats so well, I never have any problem with her. Never did.
Pam-pam.

Ultimately, everybody wants to prove they are the best of parents.
I am too tired for that crap.
So I put forth the "Mommy Score" bill.
It works like this:
There is a number of baby raising criteria: feeding, sleeping, playing, baby gear, baby behavior and you can add other stuff as you go along.
Baby is exclusively breastfed? Ka-ching: 3 points for you, mama.
Both breast and formula? 2 points
Just formula? Ts ts: 1 point

Baby slept through the night when she was 2 days old? 3 points
When she was 2 weeks-4months old? 2 points
Not sleeping even now? (this is us, I wonder what we get). 0 points, maybe -1?

Baby is eating organic home-made food? 3 points, super mama.
(Of course, if your blender is not BPA free, you might get penalized).
Home-made non-organic...hmm...2.5 maybe.
Store bought baby food- organic? 2 for the jars and 1.5 for the plastic containers
Store bought non-organic in jars? 1 point
Store bought non-organic in plastic? 0, sorry, you are poisoning your kid. Better call child protection services.

Baby walked when she was 2 months old? 3 points
Did he only wear clothes made from organic cotton from sheep that graze peacefully on organic grass and are petted 3 times a day by an Irish old lady who gives them water filtered with reverse-osmosis?One extra point just for you!
Also, when did she talk, roll over,smile, laugh, pull the cat's tail...etc all of which so obviously reflect on you, your parenting skills, your dedication, your Master's degree in childcare.

You can keep your score and recalculate and update every month. 
Then, take a white T-shirt (make that many white T-shirts) and print your score on it.
Wear it all the time.

This way, when you meet another mama and you have 36.5 and she has 42 on her t-shirt you can conclude she is the better mom, skip the (up to this point) inevitable bla-bla comparing and competing section of your playdate and enjoy the kids.

Childish?
You're just saying that because I have more posts on my blog.
Ha! 2 points for me right there!

Baby gear is for adults

I love baby gear.

The pretty colours.

The nice design.

The variety.

Swings and cribs and bouncers and jumperoos...

Carriers and travel systems.

Yum!

Those things are too cute.

Of course, the baby doesn't care a bit about the pictures on her infant seat.

Or about the pattern of her fitted sheets.

She couldn't care less if she 's dressed in blue or even black. If her hat matches her socks and sweater.

If her diapers have nice little Sesame Street characters on them

Me on the other hand?

My brain short-circuits at the sight of a decently priced playpen.

Not to mention when seeing a nice little outfit with flowers.

Flowers AND ribbons? Yes, please, now we are talking.

I  might not be able to choose my baby's temper.

How and when she sleeps.

If she'll be a good eater or not.

But I can sure as heck dress her in a cute outfit.

And nothing can stop me! (Except the terrible twos, probably).

I can make her room the way I want to with all the nice little stickers and toy boxes and organizers.

You just can't have enough organizers and baskets.

Most of the stuff we bought for Loud Baby is second-hand.

And most of it was a success.

Here's my top 5 also known as the life-savers during the first year:

1. Carriers (an Infantino and Moby Wrap to start with and graduating to an Ergo Baby which is still in use).

2. The jumperoo (Loud Baby loved it; we even took it on vacation with us).

3. The bouncer (it was both a napper and a place to play with Loud Baby).

4. The playpen (it has two wheels; good for practically everything).

5. A white noise machine (which is also a projector, a nightlight and a lullaby playing piece of machinery that is awesome in covering up any outside noises and turns into a great toy later on).

Plus 3 things that were a failure:

1. The Bumbo seat (Loud Baby was not a big fan of this one; bought it on craigslist, sold it on craigslist for the same price 2 months later)

2. A super awesome 3 direction cradle-swing with floating lambs and nature music and more bla bla.

The story behind this one is that at one point, I was having a lot of trouble  with getting Loud Baby to nap.

Once when we were on a playdate, I put her in the cradle-swing  which belonged to her little friend.

Within 5 minutes she was asleep.

"Must. Get. Swing" me thought.

So I did.

And she hated it. Fiercely.

Thank God for craigslist.

3. A playmat

It was ok, I guess. It just wasn't that much of a big deal. Loud Baby would probably use it for maybe 10 minutes a day.

So all this stuff for babies...they don't really need it.

They need mom and (occasionally) dad.

But it just might make a parent's life easier if the little one is entertained for a bit until you pay a bill or two.

Still, it really doesn't need to be all colour coordinated and brand new anyway.

One more thing.

Never ever buy something because of the picture on the box.

That scenario is not going to happen.

Baby playing peacefully in the playpen while dad is reading a book on the couch while wearing a clean white shirt and everything around is spotless.

Aha. Sure.

Try: baby plays in the playpen for a bit, the carpet is filled with toys and possibly puree stains, dad or, more likely-mom, in her pajamas is eating something from a frozen-food container while trying to pick up laundry from here and there.

Until: whaaa!

Next: improvise.

No baby gear will do that for you.

You can have the fanciest crib/co-sleeper/bassinet and the baby will most likely sleep on you for the first few months.

The more you spend on something, the more she'll hate it.

But you can still get the stuff just for fun. It does look nice in the photos :)