You know how they say you cannot control anybody's behavior except your own.
Act don't react.
Stuff like that.
It turns out, this kind of mentality is crucial when you're a parent.
Sometimes I get lost in my own little world, imagining how my daughter is going to love the zoo or hate the mall or sleep during a long car ride.
The truth is, I can make an educated guess about her reaction to something, but I can never be sure.
And because of that, it's best to keep my expectations in check.
Example.
When my daughter was one and a half, we decided to go to the pool.
It was a lovely pool, clean, simple, blue...that kind of thing.
I bought some swim diapers, sunscreen, packed our bag with sunhats and snacks and toys and wipes and changing clothes and towels and a sippy cup... a whole lot of stuff.
I was giddy with excitement, remembering how I had seen other moms with tiny ones cooling in the pool, twirling in the water, giggling and enjoying each other's company.
When we get there, it does not look good.
My toddler starts protesting immediately.
She does not like the pool or the water or the toys or anything really.
There's another mommy in the water with an 8 month old who is having the time of her life.
I look at my own offspring, all grumpy, dissatisfied and winy.
I'm not giving up so quickly!
I talk to her about how great's it's going to be, how mommy will take care of her and how we're going to swim together and chase her favourite ball in the pool.
I pick her up and in we go.
And....no.
My daughter fusses at first and all my attempts to soothe her fail.
In less than a minute, the fussing turns into crying, then into high-pitched screaming.
People are looking.
Some are frowning.
Some are irritated.
Some are simply baffled by the volume such a tiny human can produce, a bafflement I have gotten used to by now.
We go out, she eats her crackers and, now deflated, I decide to give it one more try.
We go into the water, she screams, we come out of the water and we go home.
Should have bought the smaller pack of swim diapers.
Fast forward a month later, on a Saturday, we decide to hit the zoo.
It's all messed up, we leave too late, soon it will be nap time, the traffic is slow, it's all crowded.
I am cranky, trying to prepare myself for the disaster that's ahead of us.
I am already sorry we spent money on the tickets.
But then 30 minutes pass and it's all good.
And then another 30 minutes.
My daughter, although tired, is thrilled.
She wants to see it all.
She loves the flamingos and the elephants.
She is excited about the kangaroos.
I am amazed.
I actually take courage and start enjoying it myself.
We have lunch, we visit more animals and as the zoo announces it is now 6 pm and they need to close, my daughter falls asleep in my arms as we are on our way out.
I've learned I simply cannot burden my child (and myself) with expectations of blissful trips and visits.
I've learned to handle my disappointment when things don't go as planned.
Sometimes it's hard but that's not her fault.
And, most importantly, I've learned that we might not have a good time all the time but we definitely will on a different occasion, when mommy might not even expect it.
