The stay-at-home-mom: a quick look at the specimen

The stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) is a rather peculiar being.

First, I reserve my right to object to the title.

It's misleading.

It suggests you do nothing but stay ... at home.

Inactively.

Sure.

Being a SAHM doesn't have much to do with staying in one place.

You're running around a lot of the time. 

Doing the things that keep life rolling but which are not fancy or glamourous.

You know, the kind your mom did for years and years but you didn't notice much. 

Like picking things up. All. the. time.

Toys and more toys, clothes, crumbs, crackers, wrappings, banana peels...and God knows what unidentifiable things. 

Once you are done, you can start again. 

Then there's laundry and ironing and stain removing.

Cleaning, scrubbing and disinfecting. 

Cooking, grocery shopping...

There's...oh who cares?!

It's boring to write it all down, it's boring to talk about it and so it might seem it is not  a valuable thing. 

Except it is. 

Because if I ask someone over to vacuum, dust and scrub my toilet, I have to pay them good money. 

Not to mention having someone for childcare! Babysitter, daycare, nanny...

Before I got pregnant, I had a full-time job, I was tutoring a couple of kids and I was finishing up my Master's. 

I was busy. And hyper. And exhausted. 

I felt very productive.

Now?  

I am pretty hyper and exhausted and productive as a SAHM as well. 

In a completely different way.

It took some time to get used to it.

But most days, I am really enjoying it. 

I like to be there and see my kid blooming, learning and growing into herself. 

For many months I had this nagging thought that I wasn't doing enough.

That it was not enough to just be a mom.

I had to have a job. Bring home a paycheck. 

Be super-mom and super-employee or whatever. 

But then, one day at the library it was story time and I went with Loud Baby.

There were soo many kids.

Also, there were two dads, about 5 moms and a lot of nannies. 

Some nannies were sweet and enthusiastic.

Some were bored out of their wits as it happens to adults stuck in a kids' program. 

As for me, I was glad I was the one there with my daughter, having the chance of getting bored.

And I didn't.

I enjoyed all her babbling and reading the same book ten times and singing the same song 12 times. 

It's not always like that but I'd rather I were the person she can nag and annoy and drive crazy. 

Because then I also get to be the person she learns from and the one she delights with her silliness. 

Maybe one day there will be no choice, and I will have to get a job.

Maybe one day I will simply feel it is time for me to look for work. 

But it will be because I want to or need to, not because of the ingrained belief that a SAHM is inferior, not living up to her potential, not doing enough...you name it. 

Time to go read "Where is baby's belly button". Loud and proud :)

Mothersucking breastfeeding

Loud Baby is now almost 21 months old. Which equals 21 months of breastfeeding.

I know you are probably thinking "Give me a break. You can just wean her". 

I probably could. But I prefer to have working eardrums. And nursing actually helps me to be less the mom on the left of the picture. Or more? Not sure.

Anyway.

Breastfeeding is such a controversial subject. I didn't realize that until fairly recently. 

I was exposed only to the breast is best doctrine when pregnant. 

You know, the kind of teaching that will make you feel guilty for even thinking about giving your child formula. 

Not cool. 

And then there is the other group. The ones who will hit you with "Oh please, you and your nursing. Are you showing off or what? So many people grew up with formula when babies and they turned up just fine" and other similar comments. 

It seems that as a mom, you just can't get it right.

My relationship with breastfeeding is a love-and-hate one. 

I know that according to the dogma of lactation consultants you are supposed to enjoy every moment of it. Because it is so natural, and healthy, and helps with bonding....Plus I have milk and others don't so how dare I be anything but grateful and joyous. 

The truth is never black and white. So I will get down to that.

White (aka the good part):

Nursing calms my little one down even now when she is a toddler.

It's great when on a plane.

It puts her to sleep every evening and for every nap.

It is healthy and should help with her immunity. 

It helps with brain development.

It helps with bonding (most of the time).

Black (the not so fun parts): 

It hurts!! It hurts at the beginning and then it hurts when they get teeth and then it hurts when they get more teeth. Time and time again, you need to work on the latch, on the positions and on getting lanolin stains out of your clothes (which is a whole different kind of challenge).

You are very limited about what pills you can take when you are sick. 

Nyquil for horrible-I-want-to-die-now flu symptoms? Sorry, nope.

And even when quite sick, you still have to nurse.

For me, it felt like life was being sucked out of me in those moments.

It makes you feel that your body is still not your own. 

Nine months pregnancy when someone else is in charge and then this. Sigh.

Also, Loud Baby is very demanding when it comes to nursing.

I think she believes she owns ... the farm. 

And of course there were the worries at the beginning.

Do I have enough milk, is she getting enough, is she gaining weight, what can I do about this horrible oversupply that makes us both miserable but about which I cannot tell anyone because they will shame me about not simply being grateful for having milk? 

And last but not least, only you, the mom can do it. Even more so when you have a baby like mine who will not take a bottle. Total dependency. 

But here I am still doing it. I am probably as used to it by now as Loud Baby is. It simply has become part of my life, my days. Plus I always tell myself that if I really did have to wean her, I would but while I can still do this, I will. I also want to believe that Loud Baby knows what she needs and will let go on her own when she is done. I probably don't want to do it past 3 years old though. 

The good thing is that Loud Baby understands so much already and she really tries hard to latch on well. She says things like "Mommy no ouch. Nicely" which is, of course, extra cute. So even if she won't give up nursing on her own very soon, there will come a time when I can hopefully explain to her that we are done.

I will just keep the lanolin on hand until then.